“Every moment is a fresh beginning.”

In the moments where eloquence eludes me, I simply allow myself to ponder and lose myself in the stream of consciousness where images of calendar pages and empty glasses and lines of code jumble themselves together. For the days that pass all too quickly and for the days you wish would last forever. The scent of plum wine that places me gently into the arms of sleep. There are no data structures that can organize my life, no machine learning algorithm that can make the right choices for me. Yet the hourglass has been turned over once more and we begin again. We run towards sunrises and wish each other well as if something has changed between today and yesterday. Yet the only thing that has changed is that we decided to live more purposefully-- to try to color between the lines in this new coloring book called 2019. Cheers.

To all abandoned endeavors:
All the sentences that are never
Finishing a project is a
Commitment means fostering a relationship that might never
Working hard is the only way we truly
Learning is a lifelong endeavor

Quote by T.S. Elliot

"Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance."

Writing has always been my hobby. I know this from reading all the ridiculous stories I wrote when I was younger -- about lame superheroes and children with unreliable parents. There are plenty of pages filled with dead end plots and uninspiring characters, but I did have my moments. There was the journal I kept for a civil war soldier where two brothers were on opposite sides of the war, but when one of the brothers dies, the other decides to take his place in the military. There was also my alternate ending to Frankenstein that was no less tragic than the actual ending. However, most of my better rhetoric is in poetry. I get stuck when building complicated plots with backstories and character development and interweaving story lines. I can write excerpts from a story but then have no clue as to how to connect them. Poetry is simpler to me. It only takes a few lines to convey a story that can be left up to the interpretation of the reader. Yet, I sometimes struggle to find the right words to visualize certain emotions or convey the most meaning. Poetry and prose are both an art in their own right.

My style of writing often blends poetry and prose, sometimes making it hard to distinguish the two. In an attempt to reignite my passion for writing, I will be trying to do one piece of poetry or prose a day. I have not decided whether or not I will share all of them here yet, but you'll definitely find some bits and pieces starting today.

I am still working on something for today, so here is an excerpt from something I wrote a year ago:
The words that he wanted to say became trapped in purgatory on their way to the light before they were heard, and all that emerged was silence. So instead, he wrote notes and left them with a touch of a stranger so it would seem like the world was speaking through him.

Another poetry quote:
"Poetry is when an emotion had found its thought and the thought has found words."
- Robert Frost

Ten things I know to be true:
1. I have an erratic sleep schedule.
2. Sometimes it is harder to be honest with yourself than it is with others.
3. My sister named one of my stuffed bunnies Bunnicula after a vampire bunny in a kids book when I was little.
4. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks is already tragic in the first hundred pages of the book.
5. If I could have a more mundane superpower, I would want the power to bring peace or to mentally heal others.
6. Many of my friends want to be cats in their next lives.
7. Whenever I need a change of pace, I rearrange the room.
8. Sometimes I fall asleep with the lights on.
9. It is too bright in the city for stars.
10. Podcasts are great way to pass time.

I suppose this is a good time for me to explain theses lists I have been adding to the bottom of my posts. When I was in AP Literature in high school, my class watched a TED Talk by poet Sarah Kay. In that talk, she mentioned that one way she found inspiration for poetry was by making lists. One of those lists was Ten things I know to be true. That talk has stuck with me ever since, and I use this specific list whenever I feel a little bogged down or need ideas. So to keep my creative electric brain currents going, I will be adding lists here. Ignore them. Read them. Give me ideas for them. If you want, I can compile all my list titles so you can refer to them when you need a little creative boost. Peace.

"I'm on the hunt for who I've not yet become."

This blog began three years ago under the name Pensive Nights, the result of late night TED Talks and mild procrastination. As the name implies, I would spend many nights under the stars contemplating life -- its meaning, its purpose, everything. It was a deep topic for someone with such a narrow scope of the world at the time. I was riding the public education system and living in a status quo bubble. It was before I had any real responsibilities or any real experiences that would have vouched for much. I started this blog to reflect and to explore -- to reflect on how my past aspirations led to my current ones and to explore little by little what I had yet to know. After a few posts, my blog quickly became inactive. Earlier this year, I decided to take down my archives and start anew -- hopefully for the long run.

This blog now falls under the name "Courage, dear heart." The quote comes from The Chronicles of Narnia - The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis. I have always had a minor obsession with quotes and often turn to them when in need of inspiration or a pick-me-up. I felt this one was appropriate because when I started my undergraduate career, I found much of the world around me to be intimidating from the caliber of the students surrounding me to navigating the plethora of opportunities now open to me. Though there was excitement in my heart at the new journey ahead of me, I would often have to step back and take a deep breath before moving forward again. Whether it be joining a new team or going in for a job interview, this quote is what resounded in the auditorium of my mind each time. "Courage, dear heart."

Perhaps I have no better insight now than I did three years ago, but my life is definitely not the same as it was before. I am currently on a break from ten-week quarters that pass by at breakneck speeds. I am away from bleary-eyed mornings from too few hours of sleep and stress levels that literally brought my progress to a standstill. Yet, I actually cannot wait to go back to those days because though those days were filled with too many cups of coffee and too many maddening hours of silence at the library, they were also filled with laughter and "bubble tea" and late night food runs. There was something new around every corner if you took the time to slow down to take a look. College is like a roller coaster. It can be mildly (or not so mildly) terrifying. It has its ups and downs. Some days will feel heavy and slow like a roller coaster's ascent, but others will feel like you are plummeting, cramming for that deadline or just having a bad day. You are a turmoil of emotions while you are on the ride, but once you get off, you realize it was actually kind of fun.

This blog will likely be a patchwork of reflection, inspiration, and poetry, but it is all a little up in the air. Maybe I will talk tech or black holes or blueberry pancakes. Whether you decide this is not for you or I disappear off the face of the earth is yet to be known, but either way, enjoy this ride that is life.

Five facts about me:

1. I am currently an undergraduate student.

2. I dream very vividly. Sometimes lucidly.

3. I wrap my life in metaphors.

4, My spirit animal is a fox.

5. I am an introvert.